For many years I lived with a ‘scoreboard mentality’. How I viewed my personal success was solely based on where I stood on the career path. The car I drove, and the position I held dictated my self-worth.
It wasn’t until l realized that my self-worth had NOTHING to do with where I stood on the scoreboard, that I became obsessed with leading without a title.
In 2009 while sitting on the Queen’s throne as the #1 Sales Director in Canada, I realized that I was living with the wrong mentality. Even though I achieved something that most never do, it wasn’t enough. I felt empty and unfulfilled. While others were sitting in the audience wishing they were me, I was wishing I was somewhere else or someone else for that matter. Not because I wasn’t proud of our team, because I was. But because my life on the inside was so broken and unfulfilled.
I quickly realized that the only person that could fix my situation and the way I was feeling was me!
“We are where we are TODAY based on the choices we have made or have allowed others to make for us”.
It’s difficult to lead others to become their greatest self when you haven’t done it.
“We can’t teach what we do not know and we can’t lead where we do not go” John C Maxwell
This meant taking my mask off and becoming real with myself first, and then I was able to do it with others.
As I began to peel each layer of the onion away, I gave myself permission to BE real and authentic. I thought “If I can do this, anyone can”. If they choose! This journey of self-discovery inspired me to share my story with others and write a book: Transformation: discover your own flight pattern
We all have a story but many don’t share theirs because they don’t want to be judged. However, when you develop an ‘It’s none of my business what you think of me’ attitude, you’ll be inspired to act in spite of all that.
When your purpose becomes greater than your fears and challenges, mountains will be moved.
How do you want your story to read? I encourage you to dig deep and define what LEADERSHIP means to you.
Kudos to those of you who have chosen to leave your ego at the door and lead without a title. It’s not easy but it really is that simple.
Here are some powerful tactics on how to “LEAD WITHOUT A TITLE”
by Robin Sharma:
Tactic #1: If you can’t lead yourself, you can’t lead others. We have no business leading others into greatness if our own personal lives are a train-wreck. Being successful in the game of life precedes great leadership. Face whatever personal issues you’ve been avoiding head on and clean up on all fronts.
Tactic #2: Never make anyone feel as if there isn’t room in the lifeboat. No matter the mistake, no matter what mile a person is at on their road to mastery, always be ready and willing to throw a lifeline – lend a hand, offer insight, donate your time, run out for coffee. The winners understand that strengthening capacity at every level, in every person, is the way to win.
Tactic #3: Watch Invictus. Clint Eastwood’s excellent and entertaining reminder of great leadership. Morgan Freeman performs as Nelson Mandela. The film, teaches us how to eloquently execute astonishing acts of forgiveness, compassion and moving upward when circumstances and people hold the potential to yank you into victimhood.
Tactic #4: Stay Strong “secure your oxygen mask first before assisting others.” Do you know where your oxygen comes from? Routine challenging exercise, healthy eating habits, sleeping deeply, and doing what makes me feel alive and excited is my oxygen. It’s what keeps me strong.
Refuse the lifestyle, the habits and the circumstances that weaken you. Great leaders don’t just own their full potential on the floor or in the field; they claim their potential in all domains of their life. You can’t be great in one arena and mediocre in another. Mistrust will sniff you out and turn you in. Make it an immediate goal to get connected with your oxygen supply.
Keep Leading Without A Title.
How to ‘Walk your Talk’ everyday
Words to live by – POSITIVENESS, PATIENCE, COURAGE, LOVE, APPRECIATION, RESPONSIBILITY, GROWTH, PERSISTENCE, and CONVICTION.
Positiveness – The things you think about, focus on and surround yourself with will ultimately shape who you become. Choose to live with gratitude, and understand that “All things are possible.” When YOU believe! Right now, pause for a moment and repeat after me: “What I think about and thank about, I will bring about in my life.”
Patience – Using time, pressure and patience, the universe gradually changes caterpillars into butterflies, sand into pearls, and coal into diamonds. You’re being worked on too, so hang in there. Just because something isn’t happening for you right now, doesn’t mean it will never happen.
Courage – It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you aren’t really living at all – you’re merely existing. You cannot always wait for the perfect time; sometimes you must dare to jump. Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage – just literally twenty seconds of uncomfortable bravery – and I promise you, something great will come of it. DO IT AFRAID!
Love – When love is your guiding light, you can break through barriers to be of loving service to the world. Gaining the courage and confidence to stand up for what you believe in and do what’s right is not always easy, but it’s worth it in the end! Focus on things that bring out the best of you, that make you better than you were yesterday, and that allow you to shine your light into the space around you.
Appreciation – Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, think about what you have that everyone else is missing. Sometimes we end up cheating on others and ourselves simply because we pay more attention to what we’re missing, rather than what we have.
Responsibility – In every situation you have ever been in, positive or negative, the one common thread is you. Responsibility means recognizing that regardless of what has happened up to this point in your life, you are capable of making choices to change your situation, or to change the way you think about it.
Growth – You can choose to let your past define you and confine you, or you can choose to learn, grow, and leave it behind you. Just like the seasons, you have the ability to change. In many ways, you already have.
Persistence – All things are difficult before they are easy. It’s not about falling, it’s about getting back up. Success is not a skill, it is a persistent attitude.
Conviction– Inspire trust and admiration through your actions, not just your words. Many leaders say that something is important to them, but leaders with conviction walk their talk every day.
Who is a Leader? Everybody is a Leader.
The 12 lesson’s I learned about myself and life while discovering my flight pattern:
1– Mastering a skill takes time. The beginning is always the hardest. – Remember, being completely terrible at something is the first step to being pretty darn good at it. It just takes time and practice. In the end, it is the courage to continue that matters most.
2– Just as Mastering your skills take time, so does Mastering your Thoughts. –
The most important thing you can control is your mind. – Your greatest need is to clean out the enormous mass of mental and emotional rubbish that clutters your mind. You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life, work on controlling your mind. In most cases, that’s the only thing you should be trying to control.
3- What’s right for you may be wrong for others, and vice versa. – It takes Courage to Break the mold of conformity and live the life YOU want and are passionate about! If it was just You and the world…you knew no one, and could create and design the life you’d like to live today, how would it look?
4-You have to decide for yourself. –When it comes to choices and change, always do a gut check. What do YOU want to do? What would make YOU feel joy, passion, healthy, or on the right path? Do that. No other opinions are needed.
5-When you try to change people, they usually remain the same. – But when you don’t try to change people – when you allow them the space to be as they are – they gradually change in the most beautiful way. Because what really changes is the way you see them.
6- Most good things don’t come easy. – Easy is to think about improving. Difficult is to put these thoughts into action. Easy is to stumble and fall. Difficult is to get back up. Easy is to judge the mistakes of others. Difficult is to recognize your own mistakes. Easy is to receive. Difficult is to give. Easy is to promise something. Difficult is to fulfill that promise. Easy is to say “I love you.” Difficult is to show it every day. As you can see, most of the things we need in life are simple, but not easy. The difficult, however, is often an indication that it’s worthwhile.
7- Someone out there is capable of loving your flaws. – Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are.
8- TRUE FRIENDSHIP IS RARE. – Friendship isn’t about being there when it’s convenient, it’s about being there when it’s not. – Even if you cannot seem to walk that mile in your friend’s shoes, you are still capable of standing beside them to be a supporter until the day they learn to smile again.
9- Unfortunately, some small minds will try to hold you back. – It may be difficult, but don’t let the negative voices around you bring you down. Don’t ever let anyone turn your sky into a ceiling. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small hearts and minds always do that. The greatest hearts and minds make you feel that you, too, can become great.
10- Seeking revenge is always wasteful. – The energy you would spend trying to get revenge can be better spent creating an amazing future for yourself. Forget about them. Remember you. Working on a better you is more fulfilling than hanging on to contempt of others. Let it all go and hold on to your growth and kindness instead.
11- Love is a state of being. – It’s not how much you do, but how much love you put into everything you do that counts. And love isn’t something that happens between people; it’s something you are either open to in the present, or something you are not. It’s not a transaction; it’s a state of being.
12- It’s not other people’s job to love you; it’s yours. – It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. So make sure you don’t start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don’t value you. Know your worth even if they don’t.
Clarity is power. As you reflect on this message, I encourage you to dig deep, and ask yourself this simple question: What is it that I need to let go of in order to “grow” from where I currently am to where I want to be.
Believing in YOU,
Shannon M Tobin
How does one go from merely surviving to thriving?
- From the book SUN STAND STILL, Steven Furtick says “If you’re going to ask God to do something impossible in your life, you 1st have to have some clarity about what you’re asking for. 2nd, be sure your dream/vision is affirmed by the KEY people in your life, and tied into your passions, gifts and life experiences.
- Make a list of thirty reasons why you want what you want. Look at that list every day and emotionalize it, visualize it. Revisiting that list keeps you moving forward.
- Once you’ve decided what it is you want, develop the skills needed to make it a reality and get the help you need to fix what needs to be fixed. Success is an Inside Job!!! While change can be very difficult, it comes easy when you understand the process.
- “FAITH it ‘till you make it.” and “BE” the part before you “Become” the part”.
- You’ll walk, act and talk with more confidence and others will want to join you on your journey.
- Have a Bounce Back Mentality. If you fall, get back up again. We grow the most when being challenged or knocked down. Think bigger for you and your family than ever before. Embrace failure and know that it’s essential for success – and teach others the same principles. Say: “I’m never down; I’m either up or getting back up!”
- Remember Mary Kay Ash’s advice, “For every failure, there’s an alternate course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a roadblock, take a detour.”
- Success doesn’t just happen. It can be painful. But ask yourself if it’s more painful to remain the same. When the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change, you will move forward.
- Don’t let the actions and opinions of those who don’t matter, hold you back or influence your decisions. The smaller your circle of influence the better and remember that we become like the five people we surround ourselves with.
- Remember that if you help enough people get what they want, you will get what you want.
- Make a decision to act on your dreams instead of being a daydreamer. Others are watching you! You’ll either be the light or darkness to someone else.
- Always remember that Pain is temporary, Glory is forever! Push through the difficult times with power and purpose and the rewards will be worth all the pain you’ll endure.
- Be bold with your Actions, live out loud and be the best you each and every day. Nothing more, nothing less
- Run your race and never compare yourself to others. When you do, you’re comparing your worst to someone else’s best.
Commit to Life Long Learning. The books I’ve read and speakers I’ve listened to, have impacted my life and played a huge role in molding me into the woman I am today
How do we change gears and turn our attention to the thriving end of the balance and away from just surviving? This idea of living life the best you can in spite of our circumstances.
There are three common threads of Successful people:
#1 They are willing to Work
#2 They are willing to Risk
#3 They are willing to Sacrifice
“Winners don’t mind the price they have to pay in order to achieve success. Many fail because they’re not willing to pay the price for victory.”
THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A MINUTE… What are you teaching your children and the people who are watching you when you think and dream small?
Do something today your future self will thank you for. Take the chance on YOU!
When you master your thoughts, your actions will follow…
If you’re still struggling to create “Work, Life, Harmony” in your life, I encourage you to take 30 minutes today and watch these 3 powerful and effective videos. You know the saying “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”?
One thing I know to be true: “When the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change, we’ll make the necessary changes to move mountains.” Timing is everything…
DECIDE ~ DISCOVER ~ DECLUTTER
#1 Decide – A Credo for Making it Happen by Danielle LaPorte –
#2 Discover – Your “Core Drive”…Your “One Word”
(Thank you to Marg Hachey for sharing these with me)
Below is a great form to help you begin the process to discover what your “One word” is. If you’d like a hard copy, simply leave a comment below. Be sure to include your email.
#3 Declutter – First Step To Clearing Clutter
(Thank you to my beautiful sister in love Asami for passing along this helpful video
When you cross the line and become 100% Committed to the process of creating Harmony in all areas of your life,
Action will follow.
ACTION + PASSION + THE POWER OF INTENTION = RESULTS
I believe AUTHENTICITY comes with Experience, Drive, Humility & the Willingness to Grow and Improve.
When you Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone & FACE your FEARS…you will change your life;
EXPERIENCE- You can’t teach what you do not know ~you can’t lead where you do not go! Be a leader of ‘example’ …who walks your talks. It’s difficult to follow a parked car.
DRIVE- It’s not so much about Effort=results, but ACTION +PASSION with the POWER OF INTENTION does = RESULTS. Find something you’re willing to die for and then go live for it!
HUMILITY- School is never out for the pro. Those who think they’ve arrived and don’t need to learn anymore are usually the ones that need the most. I’m committed to learn something daily from everyone I come in contact with …some of which will be lessons on ‘how NOT to be’ and others will reinforce ‘how TO be.’
WILLINGNESS – you can NOT take a capable person and make them willing but you can take a willing person and empower them to become capable and powerful beyond measure~
GROWTH- both internal and external- Sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your spirit needs most. Your past was never a mistake as long as you learned from it. So take all the crazy experiences and lessons and place them in a box labeled “Thank You.”
One thing I know to be true…
It’s difficult to feel real happiness unless you’ve felt heartache.
It’s a challenge to have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail.
You can’t know what it’s like to feel whole until you know what it’s like to feel completely shattered.
And in order to be re-birthed, you must have first moved on from who you used to be!
And friends…Growth comes with a price…and usually some pain. My question to you is, “What price are you willing to pay so you can GROW from where you are today, to where you want to be?
Remember, it’s about progress not about perfection! It’s not about comparing yourself to others because when you do you will compare your worst to their best. Be the best YOU each and every day and run your own race…nothing more, nothing less!
IMPROVE- Success in life is an INSIDE job and The Ripple effect starts with YOU!
LISTEN to your inner voice…to your heart!
LEARN from your mistakes.
LOOK INSIDE and discover ‘your’ worth.
LIVE To serve others.
LEAD by example with courage, confidence & conviction.
LET GO of the past…let go of what is no longer serving you.
Smash that rearview mirror for good and pull out your binoculars! Quit talking about what you coulda, shoulda, woulda done! Forget it! You can’t change what you did or did not do, but you can learn from the mistakes and make different decisions starting today! Your future is depending on YOU!
What if, for today…You choose to believe that you are enough and that you’ve come far enough to be worthy?
What if, for today, you choose to believe that you are strong enough, wise enough, loved enough, and beautiful enough to let your light shine?
What if, as the sun sets on this day, you choose to believe that you did your best and that you’re happy with your progress?
And what if tomorrow morning, you choose to believe it all over again?
There is nothing beautiful about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
You are meant to shine in a way only YOU can.
You were born to manifest all the unique brilliance inside you. And as you let your light shine bright, you subconsciously give others permission to do the same.
As you are liberated from your own fear of standing out, your presence automatically liberates those around you too. (As Nelson Mandela said so beautifully)
You will never feel 100% ready because you will never be 100% complete.
You just have to find faith in yourself and be 100% committed to the process and fully embrace the journey as you FACE THE GIANTS.
Because, when you’re only 99% in, your 100% out! What will it take for you to become 100% committed starting NOW?
This 46-year journey called life has shown me that what we look like on the outside is less relevant than who we become on the inside. I’ve realized that true beauty really has nothing to do with looks; it’s who you are as a person, how you make others feel about themselves, and most importantly, how YOU feel about yourself.
So no matter how undesirable you may feel right now, if your authenticity is written across your face, YOU are beautiful! What you do, and the way you think makes you beautiful. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. You may look into a mirror and see flaws, but someone else looks at you and sees someone beautiful. This is not because they’re blind to your shortcomings but because they clearly see your inner beauty through your spirit and soul.
When we embrace who we really are & decide to be authentic, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness, and real success. Remember, Success is an inside job
Ultimately, you can choose to let your past define you and confine you, or you can choose to learn, grow, and leave it behind you.
Are you ready to smash that rearview mirror and pull out your binoculars? When you become purpose driven and your why is stronger than your fears, you will move mountains. My son is the reason I keep going! He’s the reason I get up every time I fall!
My prayer is that you’ve been inspired by my message to go and let your light shine from this day forward…because your greatest strengths lie in who YOU already are!
I was having a lovely conversation with someone today who recently read my book, and one of the chapters that really hit home to her was Chapter 9: AS I BEGAN TO LOVE MYSELF.
This poem has had and still does have such powerful meaning in my life!
It inspired me to share it with you today:
As I Began to Love Myself: Charlie Chaplin on his 70th birthday
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.
As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE! ” Charlie Chaplin
This poem has had such powerful meaning in my life. The most difficult task for me in all of this was forgiving myself: forgiving myself for not leaving earlier; forgiving myself for allowing someone to continually belittle and put me down; forgiving myself for ignoring the red flags that brought more heartache and pain into my life.
It all began with a commitment to myself and started with stepping across the line. Settling for less than what God had in store for me was not going to be the way of my life anymore.
It takes 100 percent commitment to move mountains and achieve your dreams! This commitment to self is the motivator that moves you forward no matter what. It’s making a concrete decision before random events happen. Committed individuals don’t fall apart when there are bumps in the road.
Do they have fears? You bet. As long as you’re pursuing your dreams, you will always have fears and failures. Fears cause you to procrastinate if you’re not committed. You have to commit to take action and not live in fear. You can either feed your fear or feed your faith.
As I became more afraid of the regret, I replaced that fear with the power of faith!
I challenge you to “Do It Afraid”! Whatever that may be for you!
And most importantly, BE 100% Present in every moment and LIVE TODAY AS IF IT’S YOUR LAST!!! You will then likely have no regrets and be glad that you did vs wishing you had!
You can find out more about my book visit http://shannonmtobin.com
Profits from the book go directly to the Dare To Be You Foundation.
We’ve been able to gift over 2000 women in shelters across North America with a copy.
Thank you to those of you who support this cause! I appreciate you more than you know!
“If we could look into each others hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, tolerance, patience and care” Marvin J Ashton
Do not for one second allow the actions and opinions of others to dictate your own self worth, but instead use them as a driving force to inspire you to dig deep and become better, not bitter.
Some of the biggest challenges I’ve experienced in my life have been the greatest gifts; they’ve shaped me into the person I am today and have helped me realize the importance of why each of us need to give ourselves permission to live in our truth, walk in our faith, and love with COURAGE, CONFIDENCE and CONVICTION!
Courage is a teachable and learnable skill, and most everyone has the capacity to be courageous.
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
“Sometimes the biggest act of courage is a small one”. Lauren Raffo
Maya Angelou says: “One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest…without courage”
Courageous women RISK more, they TRUST more and they SACRIFICE more.
Look back on your life and think of all your victories, small and great, that required courage and willingness to risk, trust and sacrifice.
My passion is to empower women to have more FAITH than fear! More courage than doubt! To inspire women to step up, step out, and step forward into their greater self.
On this International Women’s day, ask yourself: How can I serve in this mission? Maybe you already are, and that’s great! But if you aren’t… I encourage you to start with doing this for YOU first; exercise more FAITH than fear, more courage than doubt. Step up, out and forward into YOUR GREATER SELF!
“You can’t teach what you do not know, and you can’t lead where you do not go”
When you become that WOMAN OF COURAGE , you’ll inspire others to follow suit!
Confidence is the catalyst of success and progress.
I have a little quiz for you: Your success in life is driven by only ONE of these: either your self-confidence or your self-esteem. Do you know which one?
First let’s distinguish the two, as people tend to use them interchangeably.
- SELF-ESTEEM is your perception of your PERSONAL WORTH. “Do I deserve it?”
- SELF-CONFIDENCE is your perception of your ABILITY TO DO SOMETHING.“Can I do it?”
Self-Esteem it is the culmination of what you’ve been taught to think about yourself.
Self-confidence, on the other hand, is built entirely by you and entirely by action.
The more you do something, the more you believe you can do it.
The beautiful thing about self-confidence is that you can actually grow it.
And because the only way to grow Self Confidence is through ACTION, you also get to see tangible results.
So, when I think of a woman leaving a toxic or abusive relationship, or even a toxic or abusive ‘job’, they may still have low self esteem, but their self-confidence will be sky high- because they ACTED IN SPITE OF THEIR FEARS! They did it afraid!
High self-esteem is not a requirement for success in life…but
No therapist, mentor or coach around can build your self-confidence, only you can do that.
How? By choosing a positive attitude with daily action. And because you can choose your attitude and you can choose the action you take, you have the power to gain outrageously high self-confidence and the success that comes with it.
I’ve seen many women who’ve built their self-confidence through targeted and persistent action, actually wind up with higher self-esteem.
They discover along the way of doing and doing and doing that they are, in fact, absolutely and completely worth it.
So don’t worry too much about whether or not you deserve to be successful, or that you deserve to have a better life – of course you do. Leave the “am I worth it” stuff at the door. You are worth it!!!
Conviction is the foundation of vitality.
You can have all the knowledge, skill and talent in the world but if you don’t step up, step out, and step forward, and put ACTION into practice with passion, the power of intention, and purpose, all of that knowledge, skill and talent will go to waste!
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
“If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with fear,
he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with pity,
he learns to feel sorry for himself.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy,
he learns what envy is.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to be appreciative.
If a child lives with acceptance,
he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with recognition,
he learns that it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with sharing,
he learns about generosity.
If a child lives with honesty and fairness,
he learns what truth and justice are.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness,
he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.
If you live with serenity,
your child will live with peace of mind.” by Dorothy Law Nolte
My hope is that what I’ve shared with you today has helped you DISCOVER your inner strength to be bold, strong and confident! That you EMBRACE this season with courage, confidence and conviction, and that you are that woman who ELEVATES and CELEBRATES other women everyday, not just on International Women’s Day.
“BE“lieving in “YOU”